nerves

On Monday I woke up thinking...there is a possibility that Evan and I would not be approved to adopt!!  Yikes!  I have to be honest it was an awful feeling.  My stomach was tight and I felt so heavy.  I was so distracted driving into work I almost drove through a red light.  Thank goodness the other cars started going through the intersection!!  I realized then I was way to consumed and needed others' prayer.  I wasn't able to send out and e.mail until the end of the day, but it was amazing how I began to settle down through the evening.  (However I did buy a DECAF white mocha before class because I felt so wired, that was a first)  I was grateful for the encouraging responses from friends and family. 

I also stopped thinking about our situation and started praying for friends... I think I will be a more faithful prayer partner now!

Yesterday was a much better day.  Our desire to adopt is evident and we have brought it before the Lord.  I am learning to know and love the One who is leading... I already know that I don't want anything that is not in His will.  So I guess the question is:  Will I be ok with His will if it is different from my desires?  I think I am still learning...

step one: check

We had to submit a picture of our "family".  I had a hard time finding a picture of Evan with his loooong hair.  :)  This one was a good one from his 30th Birthday!

We were excited to have the application submitted, so we took a picture.  We are fully aware we have a long, long way to go...

within one week

within a week evan and i have decided to adopt from Ethiopia! we have shared with our parents, siblings, and a few friends who are all very excited and ready to walk through this process with us in prayer. we have been able to talk to a couple who has FOUR children and currently in the process of adopting TWO more children from Rwanda. it was a sweet time to get to know them better, but to also hear what the process looks like on a day to day basis. it was neat to hear about how God has provided for them financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
within the next 24 hours we are planning to submit our application and "officially" begin this process. when i was sharing our plans with my mom she shared this quote from Oswald Chambers:
Faith does not know where it is being lead, but it knows and loves the one who is leading.

we have no idea where this step will lead us, but we are "seeking to learn about and the love the one who is leading..."

uncertain steps

so i'm not really one to journal or write the inmost thoughts of my life and then turn around and share it to anyone who can read it... but here i am becuase i want to do a better job of showing God's very practical hand in our life. several months ago when Haiti was hit by the earthquake both Evan and i were touched by all the displaced children. separately, we both felt the need to be open if the Lord were leading us in the direction to adopt a child. after some short conversations with a dear friend in the adoption world we were informed the now was not the time. however the prick in each of our hearts did not go away. so last week Evan and I sat down with our friend again and pelted questions at her for two hours which resulted in an almost unspoken decision between Evan and I to move forward with an adoption!